Plain.

I'm writing for a post again at the oddest moment. =)

Will be having my second last paper tomorrow morning.

Looking forward to the last paper on Saturday, and there it went, 3 years of university education. (that if I pass all my subjects)

Something got me thinking lately about what I'm planning to do after I graduate, which I don't know.

I realized I never really had a "concrete" dream. Most of the time just a follower, which my interest doesn't last me long. Remember the time where you use to have your performance report back in primary and secondary school and they always had this column for ambition. I used to had a hard time filling it up and ended up making up occupation that I don't even know what the are doing.

I have a problem of not asking, I hate to ask, or worst, I'm afraid to ask, to know. I realize, I've been pushing myself but it's all just superficial, nothing got into me.

21 turning 22 is not exactly a good age of not knowing what to do I think.

But all my life, my only inspiration and drive towards working hard and improving myself is seeing how my mother worked to support us and living in the environment where money is always a problem to them despite how all the hardship that they had and still going through.

It's tiring looking at them helplessly and I really wish upon a day where I could generously helped them all. All, which is almost impossible.

I've, then, chosen a course that is Science based convincing myself of a bright, promising future, or at least a secured job.

It got me wondering if I'm working to be myself or just working to be out of all these.

My consolation is to try anything that I can and find something that I might probably love or just like doing, but now, 22, 20 years later, what if I'm still searching?

To the path that I'm heading to right now, and the rate of being directionless, I'm just afraid I might fall into that trap, of believing money is everything and nothing is better than money mentality. I've seen some example, I hate that and I don't want to be a hypocrite.






Help.