Plain.

I'm writing for a post again at the oddest moment. =)

Will be having my second last paper tomorrow morning.

Looking forward to the last paper on Saturday, and there it went, 3 years of university education. (that if I pass all my subjects)

Something got me thinking lately about what I'm planning to do after I graduate, which I don't know.

I realized I never really had a "concrete" dream. Most of the time just a follower, which my interest doesn't last me long. Remember the time where you use to have your performance report back in primary and secondary school and they always had this column for ambition. I used to had a hard time filling it up and ended up making up occupation that I don't even know what the are doing.

I have a problem of not asking, I hate to ask, or worst, I'm afraid to ask, to know. I realize, I've been pushing myself but it's all just superficial, nothing got into me.

21 turning 22 is not exactly a good age of not knowing what to do I think.

But all my life, my only inspiration and drive towards working hard and improving myself is seeing how my mother worked to support us and living in the environment where money is always a problem to them despite how all the hardship that they had and still going through.

It's tiring looking at them helplessly and I really wish upon a day where I could generously helped them all. All, which is almost impossible.

I've, then, chosen a course that is Science based convincing myself of a bright, promising future, or at least a secured job.

It got me wondering if I'm working to be myself or just working to be out of all these.

My consolation is to try anything that I can and find something that I might probably love or just like doing, but now, 22, 20 years later, what if I'm still searching?

To the path that I'm heading to right now, and the rate of being directionless, I'm just afraid I might fall into that trap, of believing money is everything and nothing is better than money mentality. I've seen some example, I hate that and I don't want to be a hypocrite.






Help.

A trip back to childhood.

I haven't updated in a while because I can't really think of what to write.


Life has been kind to me, aside from rushing for assignment, lab reports, presentation and study for tests one after another, everything else seems to fall into the right place.

But it was quite a "stress test"(read: test where degree of inclination and speed increases over time, means it get difficult over time) ever since the last post.


And now life is finally giving me a little break. Not exactly cause it is suppose to be a study week, and my lecturer still teaching.

See the reason why i don't want to write, cause I'll tend to complain when i don't have to, really.


Thus, I have decided to attached some pictures into the post instead.


Last trip back home in Taiping...

My "kampung"(grandma's house), the place where I grew up, it was much livelier back then, lots more kids around, evening playtime, flying kite, guli and all those that you could think of, in every other day.

This is the path we walk on. Just pebbles and water when it is rainy season.

Believe it or not, this used to be a basketball hoop my cousins build when I was younger. But I wonder how we bounced the ball on sand la.

How I missed those days. We treated flood as a game, shouting at each other across the window trying to imagine we're living on the river. Then we main "hantu-hantu" and being a cry baby, I cried because I got scared and got my grandma scolding my cousins and friends instead. How stupid and innocent more you could be?

And of course, again, I wouldn't want to grow up, but in reality things are not always as smooth as expected. When I left my bad tempered and stubbornness along the path all of the sudden, i realized I've need to learn to say no. I've need to learn to stand up for myself instead of letting people around me, twist and throw me around. I wonder if it's a process of growing up. Maybe, maybe just part of me.

and finally,

I've got my hair short again! =P