that girl who doesn't want to grow up.

not a fragile lil chinese girl.

2010-01-15T22:33:00.000-08:00

the whole thing still feels like a dream to me. I don't even know how to put them into words so that it sounds believable.

yesterday was my follow up check up after a hemorrhoids removal surgery, only to find out that the hemorrhoids removed aint so ordinary.

i was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, a type of skin cancer. i was then put through a CT scan and MRI scan to see how far the cancer cells had spread. Hoping that if it's initial stage, it could be surgically removed. when i'm done with all the scan, the doctor that i was consulting to already left the hospital, we cant do anything but to wait till the next morning.

we went back to the hospital this morning to get the medical result. news wasn't good. but at least my spine and brain are clear of any growth which means i can still think for myself.

next would be a consultation from oncologist monday morning, mr. liew, the current doctor that i'm seeing is a surgeon.

i dont know what's going to happen. to everyone, i'm fine. i think i might still be able to run faster than you.

i dont want to go missing without a word. i might not answer calls or reply msgs but i dont want to go missing just like that.

will have a long treatment time but i will be back. i'm not any skinny fragile chinese girl.

Thoughts.

2008-12-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

I know, I had abandoned this blog for a long long long time.

Just that nothing in particular crosses my thought, deep enough to update this. (call me shallow. =) )

Anyway, four years ago, around this period of time, was where I beginning to thought about career. Why? That's when I was still in matriculation thinking about university application.

Nevertheless that I was clearly reminded that the education system in Malaysia doesn't really allow the much flexibility to determine the course that I'm getting into, but there's always thoughts.

My mind was playing around with the thought of being a nutritionist, an architect, a chemist and many more, as I am like many other teenager not knowing what I want to be in the future.

My nature of being quiet around strangers or even elderly doesn't help much. Much things learned are never from conversation, most from observation and thinking process, funnily.

Although, I later noticed this in me, but I couldn't change much, because most of the time, I don't even bother.

No guidance whatsoever, landed me in an engineering course in UM, which happened to be my first choice. I don't even know whether I should call myself lucky or what, for such a privileged given to a non-bumi and on the other hand, I don't even remember what made me listed that course as my first choice. I guess, I was just a lost little girl and I think I still am.

Now, 4 years passed and just another semester to complete my degree(*pray hard i didn't fail any subject), but I still don't know what to do.

I tried my best, I worked during the last 3 long semester break, just to get some exposure into the options that I have after graduating. I'm indeed still lost.

Funny, how I always hear about finding your passion and even preached about it some point of my life.

Should I start worrying now?

To hell with it'

2008-08-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't been blogging for a while.

So much to say, and don't know where to start.

And I hereby wish that the person who broke my car window, stole my bag and scare the hell out of me, live longer than anyone in the world through "not an easy life".

I sometimes wish to just isolate myself from the world and society, don't care a single shit of what is going on out there.

Just hide under my small lil' world, and they don't bother me no more.

Move to a place where no one would know me and remain the same till i die.

It could all be easier.

The other day, I was in the market, and i decided on nasi lemak from my favorite stall sold by a malay couple. Then someone made a statement, why buy from the malays, got chinese stall instead. I stared blankly, still trying not to offend the racist someone, i said i like the curry better.

Funny how people thinks, and i wonder if they do.

Funny how some part of the world does not evolved after years, some part of people never grew.

Minds are still so limited, as if like the lightning that would choose the taller tree, randomly, as their target. Hit them so hard, they'll fall into pieces, burnt.

They taught me how to work for what i want, and how to fight for it.

So kill me if you can, I'm giving up on truth and honesty, I'm choosing happiness.

Fourth.

2008-07-09T01:19:00.000-07:00

Imagine if there's an event where your whole life would be reflected on.

You were there watching everyone that you touches upon in your life. but none felt your physical existence.

Sometimes you will see them sobbing, alone, hiding their face, worried sometimes, that someone might see them.

Just imagine, your whole life would be there.

Sometimes laughter crack the silent atmosphere, sometimes the monk's chant are like music to your ears.

A mixture of emotion, sometimes happy, sometimes not, sometimes you feel like laughing along, sometimes not, sometimes you would want to wipe their tears, but you just can't, no matter how hard you try.

Imagine, all that that's matter in your life are right there with you.

To laugh or to cry, is when you realize all those that you're trying to achieve in your whole life, aren't necessary the most important thing, to the matter of fact, it's useless.

What lies in front of you, people that you might have neglected, you might have hurt, but the end of the day are the people that will remember and cherish every moment they have with you, through life and death.

After all we're all born the same way, a plain canvas. Painted by you and many around you. Slap a splash of paint on other canvas and they'll do the same. Often many wonders, when their picture is not painted their way, think again, you must not be always right.

If I could quote and copy, yet change, I'll say "think, un-think and re-think"

Sunday.

2008-05-13T20:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you those who came for rescue. I really really appreciate it, I do. =)

It's sunday morning now, and I'm suppose to be asleep, my holiday will end as soon as Tuesday where I'll start my first day of internship.

But along the way back from gym earlier just now, I had weird cravings for kopi peng, stopped by at the chinese coffee shop just outside my place to "tapau" a packet of old good coffee, iced.

Yea, and that had kept me awake till now.

My blog had been a place for me to voice my thoughts, and I guess that is why it always sounds sappy, when I pondered too much about life.

Although I clearly know that no one on earth would be able to come up to me and says he/she know every single thing about life and being able to answer my 100 and one questions, I still asked cause I'll never stop being curious.

But something, somewhere reminded me just now, to not just wasting time planning ahead for tomorrow and forgot about living today.

I guess I should focus on what is happening rather than what is going to happen.

One could only have a thousand plans but a single path I guess.

I had a happy Saturday, and Sunday will be too.

So join me.

=)

PS.

Plain.

2008-04-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

I'm writing for a post again at the oddest moment. =)

Will be having my second last paper tomorrow morning.

Looking forward to the last paper on Saturday, and there it went, 3 years of university education. (that if I pass all my subjects)

Something got me thinking lately about what I'm planning to do after I graduate, which I don't know.

I realized I never really had a "concrete" dream. Most of the time just a follower, which my interest doesn't last me long. Remember the time where you use to have your performance report back in primary and secondary school and they always had this column for ambition. I used to had a hard time filling it up and ended up making up occupation that I don't even know what the are doing.

I have a problem of not asking, I hate to ask, or worst, I'm afraid to ask, to know. I realize, I've been pushing myself but it's all just superficial, nothing got into me.

21 turning 22 is not exactly a good age of not knowing what to do I think.

But all my life, my only inspiration and drive towards working hard and improving myself is seeing how my mother worked to support us and living in the environment where money is always a problem to them despite how all the hardship that they had and still going through.

It's tiring looking at them helplessly and I really wish upon a day where I could generously helped them all. All, which is almost impossible.

I've, then, chosen a course that is Science based convincing myself of a bright, promising future, or at least a secured job.

It got me wondering if I'm working to be myself or just working to be out of all these.

My consolation is to try anything that I can and find something that I might probably love or just like doing, but now, 22, 20 years later, what if I'm still searching?

To the path that I'm heading to right now, and the rate of being directionless, I'm just afraid I might fall into that trap, of believing money is everything and nothing is better than money mentality. I've seen some example, I hate that and I don't want to be a hypocrite.

Help.

A trip back to childhood.

2008-04-12T22:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in a while because I can't really think of what to write.

Life has been kind to me, aside from rushing for assignment, lab reports, presentation and study for tests one after another, everything else seems to fall into the right place.

But it was quite a "stress test"(read: test where degree of inclination and speed increases over time, means it get difficult over time) ever since the last post.

And now life is finally giving me a little break. Not exactly cause it is suppose to be a study week, and my lecturer still teaching.

See the reason why i don't want to write, cause I'll tend to complain when i don't have to, really.

Thus, I have decided to attached some pictures into the post instead.

Last trip back home in Taiping...

My "kampung"(grandma's house), the place where I grew up, it was much livelier back then, lots more kids around, evening playtime, flying kite, guli and all those that you could think of, in every other day.

This is the path we walk on. Just pebbles and water when it is rainy season.

Believe it or not, this used to be a basketball hoop my cousins build when I was younger. But I wonder how we bounced the ball on sand la.

How I missed those days. We treated flood as a game, shouting at each other across the window trying to imagine we're living on the river. Then we main "hantu-hantu" and being a cry baby, I cried because I got scared and got my grandma scolding my cousins and friends instead. How stupid and innocent more you could be?

And of course, again, I wouldn't want to grow up, but in reality things are not always as smooth as expected. When I left my bad tempered and stubbornness along the path all of the sudden, i realized I've need to learn to say no. I've need to learn to stand up for myself instead of letting people around me, twist and throw me around. I wonder if it's a process of growing up. Maybe, maybe just part of me.

and finally,

I've got my hair short again! =P

a little by lil

2008-03-08T06:25:00.000-08:00

The day I stood still, watching the time passes by,

wandering away, brought my memories,

a little by lil, back into my thoughts

The day I broke down, with shots of chemicals,

bringing me out, from within myself,

a little by lil, into the world of yours

The day I watched you, and the sorrow in your eyes,

heart pounding still, touching you, feeling you,

a little by lil, I try to understand why

The day I made my mark, taking a different path,

pushing through the memories, that had kept me apart,

a little by lil, I took the step one

The day I heard from you, what had been told is just the truth,

I took some time and stepped backward, waiting for you to lead,

a little by lil, to the light that is shining through

The day I feel my heart, that I had doubt a thousand years,

as if I've found myself, bleeding through it all,

a little by lil, trust falls in the right path

Memories remain unkept, as there will be so much more,

the day will come and I would not let go,

and here I sat in silence, with solace from a turning fan,

as what I need is not maturity, but only a boy who would grow up with me,

a little by lil, we will learn why

*

2008-02-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

It's funny how I tried to update my blog so many times, and yet I can't really finish any of them.

There's like so many drafts in my account right now, I can't even remember how to continue them really.

I wanted to write about my mom, and how she's trying to give us a life that she never had.

How she scarifies the opportunities for love, and how she ~~give in~~ adapted to the nature of the society back then. and how confused a family she was from. and the uncountable ups and downs in her life.

Then I realized it's quite impossible to put all that into words.

And most importantly, along the line, I realized that life is not really about the choices you make.

Or the path you took.

It's more like the ways you see things and make the most out of the choices that you made.

It's like how so many of us fall into the rat race mentality. Like how so many people can be rich, literally, but still never stop. Like it's their only reason of life.

*and here comes the part where I do not know how to end my post.

so, whatever it is.

fresh.

2008-02-04T00:03:00.000-08:00

had been doing spring cleaning these two days. then this afternoon, it's time to clean my room.

rearranged my stuff. overlooking. past memories. some photos back in secondary schools. some books. novel, notes from tayloring classes I took for fun, oh, and i even found one of those log book, autobiography book or whatever you call it, some letters, mostly from the parcel that i received back in Malacca (somehow didn't manage to throw them), printed pictures from the japanese looking instant photo machine (i swear i was forced to be in the picture) and all those small little pressie and sugarcube. =)

life was really simpler back then. one day you could be really close to one person, another day you completely ignore each other over silly little things. at times you don't even have to think.

funny how things wasn't painful at all. why does life get more serious as you grow older?
every decision that you will make will leave a stroke of paint on your life canvas.

One thing that I've regretted was that I've been thinking and deciding with my brain over the past year. Ignoring my feelings sometimes. And I've realized now how much difference it feels. It feels right now. I don't want it to be just memories, be it good or bad.

I'm in fact naturally an introvert. I don't talk much. I can't even express myself well. I kept myself hidden somewhere most of the time.

It's hard to break the shell. Bear with me. I just needed more time. Cause I really want to mean it when I say it.

Zombie.

2008-01-21T09:19:00.000-08:00

why do I always shed tears whenever I try to close my eyes and shut my mind?

it's weird. And confusing, whenever I try to understand my own feelings.

forced. hate. love. struggle. it's just a simplification to something so much more.

sometimes I wonder how do we really categorize.

Maybe beyond all these words, we share nothing similar.

we see through different pair of eyes, feel through different type of souls.

and all we share is a common language that describe all different thing from one another.

it's like red might be red to you but might be your green to another person, who took that as red.

then if we linked red to bold or sexy, and then one thing links to another and another and another.

that's how I confuse myself sometimes.

2008.

2008-01-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

yes, yes. So what if I'm watching "family guy" while having colourful soft jelly strips.

Oh, Happy new year everyone. First post for year 2008.

So, 2007 was a year where I decided to end what doesn't feels right and decided I deserve more.

2007 was a year where I went all out to avoid anything that doesn't feels right. and it wasn't not right, now that I'm clear.

2007 was a year where at first I thought I would rather spend on study. 2007 became a year where I, in the midway, feels that studying is not the most important thing in life.

2007 was a year where I have also decided to take up heavier responsibilities in an organization that had changed me quite personally.

2007 was also a year when later I've learnt that it's not possible for me to be with a person who have all the quality you wanted, rich, promising career, and other overload of good qualities, but it has to lie on something more. So now I realized that simply marrying a millionaire and be happy with it is not an option for me.

2007 resolution that I've promised myself has been kept.

2007 was a exciting year. A year where I've learn to fall but knowing that there will be people behind me that will not let me fall.

That's why I guess, stealing and keeping the "7" might just be able to help us to do greater in "8".

Yes, you know what I mean.

10 days over, 5 more to go.

2007-12-22T02:29:00.000-08:00

It's 22nd of December. Happy birthday bro if you ever realized I'm writing this.

5 more days before I leave Taiping for the city again. It's time to actually hate the idea of leaving this cosy home (although not sometimes).

I don't know what to record in this entries actually, then i thought maybe I could write down(or type down) what have I been doing for the past. urm. 10 days in taiping?

1. Was helping out my mom with her work for a couple of days. say TWO days.

So, 8 days left.

2. went up to Penang for a day, an attempt to watch meteor shower. But no avail. Sigh. ended up bugging the guys for the whole day through. Well, look at the bright side, at least you're not bored, probably just annoyed of me asking you guys random questions, kan?

7 days left.

3. Spent 2 days baking, one was moist chocolate cake with chocolate chip and chocolate frosting. Heh, that was the day I got my result, although it wasn't as bad as I expected, but it's not good. So a girl got to do what she needed to cheer herself up righhttt?

Oh and another day baking marble cake, it's actually butter cake with and extra layer of choco flavour in between. This was traditionally baked on Chinese New Year, but since I was in the mood of baking and my aunties actually asked for it, what the heck. It's kinda weird though, it used to be my mom's job to bake this, but don't know ever since when that she pass down this recipe to me, and ever since then I've got to do it. For my aunt, another aunt, cousin, uncle and the other aunt every chinese new year. Damn, my mom is smart.

Oh, 5 days left.

4. I spent one night watching football match in Charis's house with the other two dudes. Haven't seen them in ages. so yea. and I just spent one afternoon with the rest of the girls, first to check out the new coffee chain, ended up with sucky iced chocolate but it was fun to laugh at the typo on the menu though, "ice belended and muchroom." then followed up by ice kacang and laksa trip to pokok assam. ;) That sum up for a day.

4 days left.

5. ....
I couldn't think of anything else. The other 4 days, bumming around. Did some work, watch TV, jog 3 times around the field in front of my house. and bumming around. Ah, that's the whole point of holidays right? I lost count. =P

5 more days in taiping, 5 more only. I need a nap now. bummer. =)

The lady in Red.

2007-12-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

Last few months, when I was back home during study week, I met this lady, it was a brief encounter, so I didn't really asked for her name, or maybe I just don't remember.

I followed my dad to meet a this lady who wanted to refurbish her sofas.

I remembered during that brief conversation, we know that she likes red. and also she named one of her dog, chindae( which is suppose to mean love in punjab if I'm not wrong) and she referred her dogs to her sons. Those two dogs are the cutest one ever, with fluffy hair and they just smells so clean. And I was busy playing with them, that is why I didn't even ask for her name.

But this lady was jovial. She was smiling all the while. We also found out that she teaches in Erican language and also conduct cooking classes in her very own home.

But she has this make ups on her, red eyebrow pencil, and red lipstick and red top that makes her happy. As long as she's happy and comfortable with herself, so I've thought.

And today I was thinking about that. Memories was quite messy, that explain the way I wrote. Pieces of information here and there.

But today I was also thinking about her because she was reported dead. The chinese paper says that she committed suicide, cut both her wrists.

Then there were more rumors, saying that there's a robbery. She died on her way to the hospital. But no one knows exactly why.

But she looks too happy and content to commit suicide.

Today I wrote about her because she was nice to me. Very nice indeed for the first time that I met her which I didn't expect it would be the last.

Living.

2007-12-12T09:03:00.000-08:00

Last week was quite an intense week. I was having a seminar back in UM one whole week (plus the pre-camp) which eventually got me sick now. Over-used of energy. I need to recuperate.

Thought about blogging about it, but i figured i might just be boring. And besides it's too much to tell.

And that might just be my last AIESEC conference. At least I'm sure it's the last one as a delegate. This got me thinking of people who had been in my life.

There are some came by for a period of time, a passerby i call them. Left a footprint and go on with their life. Whether it is a positive or a negative thing. They are often around for a reason. Although sometimes it may seems oblivious at the moment. Normally these are the majority in everyone's life.

Some of those linger around a lil' more. Leaving you clueless whether they're still in the picture or not. They are here every now and then but you don't know what they want from you and what are they willing to give. I called this undefined.

Then there are some who took an extra mile just to be part of your life. These are the people who made an effort just to see the smile on your face. And I'm glad I have quite a number of those in my life.

And then there is this group of people that you know they're going to be there no matter what. These are the one that you know you won't lose even though you don't call them often enough, or hang out with them often enough. These are the people that you know for a long long time, or at least you feel that way.

Then there is this group of people who has the ability to inspire other, maybe long term, or short term. They're just there to give you more reasons to live your life. This people are the rare type. These people appear, whether it's just a conversation encounter or a close friend or coach.

Last but not least there is a group that you're born with. Ready to receive you into their life with joy. How your life turned out to be mostly depends on this group of people and of course yourself. These are the group of people you need to learn how to live with.

Having all these people in my life is such a wonderful experience and feeling, but yet, i don't want this to be the peak of my life. Cause it's just not enough.

Sunday morning. *=)

2007-12-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

This is why I love Sunday, I get to wake up at noon and actually do nothing for like 2-3 hours. (forget about cleaning up my messy room and do laundry for a moment)

Anyway, it had been quite a week. First, last Friday I went for a youth forum, part of the event for the first national AIDS conference.

Of course, events like this will start with a few speeches, first by a representative from UNICEF itself, then from the health ministry, deputy-general or something who managed to gave us some facts and statistic apart from his often mispronunciation.

Then it follows with an interactive talk show: "Living in the age of HIV/AIDS. Are young people in Malaysia responding?" moderated by Rina Omar and Xandria Ooi. I think i rather not comment on the moderator, else they might sue me.

Well, in my opinion, it was interesting to hear from different perspective, namely a NGO from kelantan area and the way they approach the high-risk group. They mention that "pelajar bermasalah" (although i personally wont refer them that way because our education system it's so exam oriented and it doesn't mean all those who doesn't follow along with the system is problematic) needed more intense counselling such as "mental torture", sort of brainwash i think. At a moment I was wondering what was that, and then I thought about the session they used to do for us before exam in library? Can anyone recall? They sort of play soft music, asked us to close eyes and imagine don't know what, and then everyone started crying one? Okay, maybe that sounds like reflection.

And of course some was against the idea. There are a couple of young people, from YAC and Brats that are really extroverts that didn't fail to voice out. I would say it was fruitful but there are no certain direction for this kinda thing, so sometimes it turn out pretty messy. Everyone was with their own opinions and maybe it was good to warm up before breaking up into discussion group.

I met quite a few interesting people, one being the executive director of Malaysia AIDS Council. He was sharing his experience in the field and his passion for this issue, enlightening us with some of the current realities and upcoming projects. Oh, they're coming up with this exhibition where they would want to let other people experience the feeling of being people living with HIV/AIDS(PLWHA), concept of a maze to let public walk through, and along the journey with certain kind of sounds and visual effects which actually sounds really cool.

Hah, but the funny thing is that when we were chatting, and he was telling us what not to do, then he suddenly mention " you girls should not go for tattoo" and then he repeated a couple of times, what can i do right? I just smiled la and maybe I should go to Pink Triangle one of these days to get tested. Who's with me? =)

And also during the talk show, this lady, Suhaiza shared her story on how she got tested HIV+ and how she is living her life now. It was really brave of her, but i didn't really get a chance to talk to her personally.

and oh, there's this other girl, Cheryl from World Vision. I had a little chat with her earlier and then later she joined the same discussion group, so i had a longer talk. I've got to know she just joined World Vision like 6 months ago, quitting her job in a more corporate world, she said although her pay was good and all that, there wasn't a satisfaction and she's happier with her job now. it's inspiring listening to stories like these. and she's really pretty too.

and some other AIESECers.

with Alish and Michele.

I guess enough about that, anyway yesterday night, attended 50 most gorgeous party in Zouk with Hoon, kinda last minutes decided cause we both had nothing to do on a Saturday night, thought meeting up would be good. =)

Nothing much to highlight actually but it was fun to meet and get to know some other girls.

oh, and Ummu, second from right won herself a 1.2k worth of price from Celebrity fitness. Hrmp. i want also. Nevertheless i felt happy for her.

I've got to go rest more, got a crazy week ahead. =)

That 28th of November

2007-11-28T08:26:00.000-08:00

OMG! 3 more days till the Baskin Robbins promotion for the CHOCOHOLICS ends and i haven't got one of the chocolate trilogy yet. I can't believe myself even. Must go tomorrow, must go tomorrow.

Back to the topic, today can be one of my weirdest day in the month, or maybe in half a year or so, whatever la, today is a weird day.

Why?
Me and my other two teammates met up with this Dato' that wanted to look for people to manage his newly acquired company that sells Pitaberry, a health drink innovation from Pitaya fruit( the picture look like dragon fruit)(http://www.pitaberry.com/)

So we went there for an intention to actually get sponsorship for the conference happening next week.

He started off fine, telling us about the new branding that he wants to do for Pitaberry and so on. Then of course we try to push on the sponsorship, then he started telling us his life story, started off poor, selling supper when he was studying in TARC, then finish and moved to Sabah, so on.

Casual conversation took on for more than half an hour asking us where are we from and try to relate to each of each..

Then we tried talking again about the sponsorship. lol. at the moment, i thought that would never end. However, he agreed to our offer plus 30cartons of drinks(he insist of 30 even though my friend say 20 is sufficient) but confirmation letter need to be submitted and so on. But that's not the end.

We were invited to have tea with him in Winter Warmers, quite a nice place. We went there first, waited for him. After about 30 mins, he came with a couple of friends, A lady, Judy, Recruiter for oil and gas industries, a divorcee, David, in oil and gas industry in S'pore(has a strong patriotism towards his own country and keep asking us to work in S'pore instead), and Bernard, the quiet printing guy.

I personally feel Judy has her own substance through conversation, and i thought that was the only meaningful conversation I had in that whole 3 hours other than trying to get sponsorship.

Anyway through the tea, let me highlight a few stuff that still cracks me up when I think about it, the Dato' mention he bought 11 advertisement billboards around KL and PJ, multimedia, 18 hours a day, every 20 seconds to promote Pitaberry numerous time, specifically 18 hours, every 20 seconds! lol.

Then he came up with the idea of putting the pictures of OUR faces, then cut and paste only the eye part( he did funny movement with his hand, and i was sitting beside and can't laugh) all over billboard and let people guess who are we and win plasma TV! lol.

hah. there's so much more that i couldn't even remember. he talk so much that sometimes i got drifted off, and I'll just nod. and say "yea, yes, that's a good idea".

Anyway hopefully he's for real and won't bail out. After all he's going to "make NLDS happen!".

Ah, tomorrow is going to pack, and Friday will be attending a youth forum( part of the agenda for UNICEF first national AIDS conference).

Maybe will blog after that on what happen.

Goodnight. =)

The "cheerful" post

2007-11-27T00:09:00.000-08:00

i don't know why all my posts ended up sounding so emo one.
Not that i want to. Just that i don't know how to appear "cheerful" through words i guess.
Now lagi teruk, the background in black. :P

Anyway look what I've found?

it's kinda blur. the red arrow pointing towards word says "nose sharpener"

if that's what they do to achieve sharper nose, wonder what they do to get bigger eyes, i could imagine them putting toothpicks to expand the eye larger. ( you know like those in cartoon one. ) =)

http://www.choco-mylove.blogspot.com/

and then i found this website, selling ever thing chocolate. lol.

made me wanna try making some myself. maybe i should during my two weeks break later in December. ;)

and oh, i just found out you guys went all the way to KLCC to buy me these..

i love it so much, i even took picture of it. haha. now i shall name everyone of it, starting with the top left one... kidding.

anyway thanks, really. =)

It's my fourth day after getting the tattoo.. all i can say is itchy, itchy, itchy, itchy!
Lol, really la. have to continue feeding on junk food to forget about the itchiness, some more tak jadi wanna go jogging, and i need a new running shoe as well, the current one is not proper running shoes, and after I run 8-10 rounds around the field in front of my house right, my feet hurts like hell. wait wait.. Year end sales coming. and i shall wait! till then sit at home, eat my way to being overweight and try not to scratch.

It's time for meeting again.

till then. =)

The border.

2007-11-26T06:48:00.000-08:00

Say if God ( if there's ever one, whether it's Allah, Jesus, or what-so-ever name that you might wanna give "______"?) created man and woman. Two perfectly different creatures but still have distinct similarity where we can categorized them as human race.

Traditionally, man went out to hunt for food, men are stronger, have more strength, kill the enemy, built the shelter and protect the family.

Woman on the other hand, stay home, cook, clean and decorate the house, take care of things as woman are more sensitive and delicate towards details.

These roles and responsibilities are easily defined( or at least i thought so.)

But as time passed, the roles changes and now to a period that we can't and uncertain about how to define the roles of woman and man in society.

Therefore it often raise the issue of the existences of gender equalities. How can we distinguish the border? The fine line that separate the tradition and the future.

Of course, we have argument from both side, women not given enough opportunities, being judge over their responsibilities at work and at home (maternity and time to take care of their kids and all that).

As for positive side, they said there are uprising woman in the society that holds higher position, CEO, and minister, even prime minister now.

But reality check, scale down to Malaysia alone, how many successful woman can you name in 5 mins? ................ i bet you just include your mom in the list. which would be perfectly normal, as they're that influential.

Like what have shown in Devil wears Prada( yes, it's a chic-flick), if Miranda was a guy, nobody would have said anything.

Okay, let's say we scale it down more, to Tertiary education level, student council. You can just have a look at the number and percentage of woman in the public universities student council. Then to a more drastic comparison, just look at the President of the Council only.

By ratio, there are definitely more woman than man in the universities, or can we say the woman are more passive, or they're just not into this? If that's the only argument.

sigh. pardon my frustration.
I'm just sick of people telling me what I can do and what I can't.
Now I'm unsure whether i'm striving to be myself, or just striving to be Different.

"I"m 21!"

2007-11-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

oh, that's what my cake says. heh.

the last two posts in friendster blog was due to the boredom of exams. but i figured maybe i should just continue. See how long will it last this time eh?

anyway, i had a great birthday, i thought i grow up too fast for clubs and so, thus, i decided to stay home. with friends and family. Thanks for the wishes and the pressie. I've got the cutest present ever that remind me i don't exactly need to grow up even though i'm already legal to vote. chocolates, elmo t-shirt and chocolate. and look!

Ice cream cone bubblesss comes in CHOCOLATE flavour!

It smellsss so good, everyone should get one. lol.

my mom say i act like lil kid. hrmp.

And of course i've got myself a lil present as well, urm, but my brothers paid for it la.

got myself an appointment with Borneo ink in Hartamas a couple of week ago, and this was done two days ago. woo hoo. i love it, the tattoo artist, Lina done a great job and it only too an hour plus.

And like what i mention before, i don't have much pain receptors. but i was ticklish, she said i moved like worm. lol. but i still love the end result after so long contemplating to get one.

I think it's starting to peel off now, I have to sleep "terbalik" and had a hard time applying ointment, cause i can't exactly look at it without a mirror. hehe.

But there's one tiny thing in my plan tak jadi, wanted to go for AJ Hackett ride in KL Tower still.. hrm. maybe later.

I'm on holiday, looking for a part time job but at the same time so many things coming up, and that just reminded me, got to bank into Vanessa's account by today for MNC.

Anyway I've got to go out now.

That's all for now.